Category Archives: Humor

Police Officer Nails It With The Best Comeback Ever!

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman’s credibility…

Q: “Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?”

A: “No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

Q: “Officer — who provided this description?”

A: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

Q: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”

A: “Yes, sir. With my life.”

Q: “With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”

A: “Yes sir, we do!”

Q: “And do you have a locker in the room?”

A: “Yes sir, I do.”

Q: “And do you have a lock on your locker?”

A: “Yes sir.”

Q: “Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”

A: “You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year’s “Best Comeback” line — and we think he’ll win.

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Lawyer Tries To Make Farmer Look Stupid. The Farmer’s Reply Is Genius.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,”‘ asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!'”

Farmer Joe said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say.”

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.”

“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”

“Now what the hell would you say?”

Husband Attempts To Make Fun Of Wife’s Weight. Her Response Is Genius!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ‘What the Hell is this??’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.

‘April,’ he hollered into the bathroom, ‘why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’

She replied with a snicker…’It’s not talcum powder It’s ‘Miracle Grow’

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20 Dumbest People On Twitter That Will Make You Lose Faith In Humanity

Are you ready to lose hope in humanity again and again and again? The current situation we’re in can never be fixed, I’m not sure if it’s the food we’re eating, or maybe the water or the air we’re breathing, because it seems that humans are becoming stupider every day.
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One day we’re just going to lose the whole thing and become potatoes.

1. At least she got a lot of Favorites and Retweets.
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2. I hate it when people pour salad on my wounds, I hate vegetables.
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3. Buy this new 80 HD TV now.
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4. Ew, that’s nasty.
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5. You’re going to become a grandma dummy.
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Continue below on the Following page to see 15 more…

Husband insults his wife’s breasts at the table. What she does next made me cry from laughing!

This husband thinks he can make fun of his wife. But he never expected to learn THIS lesson. Simply perfect!

A family was at the dinner table when the son asked his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answered, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s, 40s, and 50s, they are like pears: still nice, but hanging a bit. After 60, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiled and answered, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree: mighty and hard. In his 30s, 40s, and 50s, it is like a birch: flexible but reliable. After his 60s, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes. The tree is dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”

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image via flickr/zenjazzygeek

Hmm, well, what goes around, comes around. But nothing is as funny as a joke at the expense of your better-half! If you also lost it laughing about this horned husband and his sharp-tongued wife good, then share this joke with all your friends!

Suspicious husband asks the obstetrician if the child is really his own. Doctor’s reply is hilarious!

A father is annoying the doctor because his wife allegedly cheated on him. But the answer is a riot!

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My dad had black hair and my mom had very dark brown .When I was born every one said my hair was the color of a brand new copper penny. Since no one else in my family had red hair people would ask me where I got my red hair. I would tell them from the man at the drug store.People would laugh and tease my mom.The man at the drug store had red hair and he was the only person I knew who had red hair so it made perfectly good sense to me.Lol.

 

15 Hilarious Pinterest Baby Photoshoot Fails

Pinterest is full of beautiful pictures that provide inspiration for people all over the world. But it’s easy to forget the amount of hard work, good luck, digital wizardry and skill that goes into creating a perfect photograph, and only when you try to recreate them for yourself do you realize that, well, it isn’t quite as easy as it seems.

They look so simple, right? What could be so hard about getting a nice picture of your newborn kid lying on a rug or sleeping in a bowl of gumballs? Well, everything actually…

#1 Family Portrait. Nailed It
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Image via pinterestfail

#2 Pure Joy
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Image via stacizohlenphotography

#3 Sweet Baby In A Toy Truck. Nailed It
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#4 Cute Baby Under The Blanket Photo. Nailed It

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Image via arayvenn

#5 Cute Baby Sleeping On Fur. Nailed It
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Continue below on the Following page to see 10 more of them…

12 Reasons Why Kids Can’t Be Left Alone With Their Dads

As Spiderman’s Uncle Ben once famously said, “with great power comes great responsibility,” and few responsibilities are greater than that of being a father. But as you can see from these hilarious pictures, some dads take that responsibility more seriously than others.
This list of dad fails is sure to make you laugh regardless of whether you’re a parent or not. But if you’re a mom then, well, you might want to check to make sure your husband isn’t drawing eyebrows on the baby or sizing it up for a watermelon helmet…
Have any dad fails that are so bad they’re good? Then feel free to share them below and don’t forget to vote for your favorite!

#1 Two Kiwis
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#2 Dad Left Alone With The Baby
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#3 When Dad Is Giving Baby A Bath
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Image via imgur

#4 When Dad Gets The Kids Ready For School
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16 Relatable Wife Tweets That Are Just Too Funny

I have a feeling that marriage is low-key hilarious, and is basically two people who fell in love and now they’re secretly hating each other and are still together just because they made a human and someone has to take care of that human and divorce is not going be good for it.

1. Someone has a dirty mind.

2. Wherever you are, just make sure you’re doing something

3. The man of the house decides everything, or not

4. No he’s my bestfriend

5. Maybe it will you never know

Continue on the Following page for more funny wife tweets…

 

This Hilarious Dad Trolls His Daughter By Recreating Her Selfies

We all think that our parents are embarrassing, but this dad took it to a whole other level, at least my parents don’t embarrass me publically, or even worse ON SOCIAL MEDIA ! So now millions of people all over the world have seen these pictures. The dad Martin Burr wrote on Instagram :

“So my daughter has been posting sexy selfies of herself and instead of telling her to stop, well, I thought of something better,” 

You can check him out here : Instagram & Twitter

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Image via therealburrmartin

If you think your dad’s embarrassing then you obviously haven’t met Chris Martin (not the singer from Coldplay. Just to clarify). Because this guy doesn’t do typical embarrassing dad stuff like dancing in front of your friends or threatening to kill your boyfriend. No. This dad trolls his own teenage daughter. On the internet. And it’s hilarious.

1. Nice ink dad
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Image via therealburrmartin

2. I saw what he did there. It’s a dog face
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Image via therealburrmartin

3. She kinda looks like those silicone blowup dolls
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Image via therealburrmartin

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