Everything You Need To Know About Pokémon GO But Were Afraid To Ask

So everyone is shuffling around furiously swiping at their phones and bragging about their Vaporeon and you’re just sitting here like “What’s a Pokéball?”

It’s okay. You’re in the trust tree. All of your Pokémon questions will be answered in time.
Long story short, Pokémon GO is a phone game that’s taking over people’s lives.
It’s an “augmented reality” game that uses real-world aspects and overlays the magical, slightly deranged world of Pokémon in a thinly-veiled ploy to get people out of their houses and exercising for once.

What do you do with them?
The game gives you a limited amount of Pokéballs. You can trap wild Pokémon by throwing balls at them using a flicking motion with your finger. It’s extremely frustrating. Sometimes they try to resist, other times they go quietly into that good night and you are rewarded points and other goodies.

The plural of Pokémon is Pokémon, not Pokémons. Although it is funny to say, if you are intentionally trying to sound like someone’s out-of-touch aunt (which is definitely an aesthetic, no judgment).
Anyway, the app, which is free to download and play, uses GPS to make a cartoony map of your neighborhood and basically anywhere you go. In this colorful, slightly Big-Brother-y version of reality, Pokémon are interspersed throughout, and when you come within range of a Pokémon you can “approach” them and they will show up on your phone.
The game uses your phone’s camera, so you will get the very disconcerting impression that there is a ghost Pokémon flapping or undulating directly over your desk, your bath water, your local place of worship, etc. and only you can see it. It’s very “6th Sense.”

While the Pokéhoarding aspect is certainly enough to keep you in the game for hours like a kawaii FitBit, you can actually use your Pokémon to fight other people’s Pokémon and earn all sorts of other items and bragging rights.

Points and Pokéballs. You are losing me, friend.
Okay so you have an avatar, which is basically you if you were a sexy animated Pokémon trainer. Your little guy or gal gets experience points when you do stuff, which makes them a more powerful Pokémon trainer and allows them to “level up.”
Here’s the important part: To get more Pokéballs, you walk to different “Pokéstops.”
Pokéstops are usually at interesting places around your city or community. Let’s say you were walking down Main Street, Whereverville. You might find a Pokéstop at a popular store, landmark, work of art or other point of interest. There are several in the CNN Center in downtown Atlanta alone. Don’t be jealous.
The ideal gameplay strategy is to walk around, trying to cover a lot of ground to get to different Pokéstops and come across different Pokémon who might be hiding in your path.

The nature of the game also means you may be tempted to loiter and tresspass a little. How far are you willing to go for a Pokémon? Kayaking in a fountain? Sneaking in a neighbor’s backyard? It’s happened. One guy has even made a few dubious friends after his home — a refurbished church — was designated a Pokémon Gym. We’ll save you a question: A gym is a place where you can take your Pokémon and fight them with other nearby people’s Pokémon.
Anyway, this poor guy now has people parked in front of his house at all hours, tapping on their phones like lunatics in a quest to be the very best. (That’s a Pokémon reference. You wouldn’t get it.)